


Resuscitation

by Silver85



Series: Heartbeats and Irregularities [3]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: EMS AU, F/F, Multi, Sequel to Flatline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5338073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver85/pseuds/Silver85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The heart is a fragile thing. For something so vital to a person's life it can be damaged so easily. We lay it in the hands of others; lovers, family, paramedics and doctors. We entrust it to them and hope they can fix the damage, or not break it in the first place. In this case Carmilla Karnstein's heart has been broken, bled, and ruined but there's hope so long as it's still beating. Paramedic Karnstein is desperate to hold onto that hope. Especially now that she's found love with reporter Hollis. </p><p>Here is the long awaited sequel to Flatline, The Carmilla EMS AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Interrogations

Laura was furious, but it wasn’t just a blinding anger at the two people who sat in front of her, it was a broken-heart fueled anger. The room was filled with people that just a few months ago she considered to be very close friends with. Now she wasn’t sure what she considered them. Carmilla was missing, or not really missing at what she was gathering from JP and Perry, who kept fidgeting on the couch in front of her. Laf was sitting in a chair behind her while she paced the living room floor. She kept tossing her hands up, huffing, dropping them back to her side and then pivoting to stomp in the opposite direction. 

“Laura, you’re wearing a path into my carpet. This place is a rental and I can’t afford to replace it,” Laf was leaning forward on their knees, phone grasped in their hand. They wanted answers just as much as Laura did. Laf had told her everything that had happened the night Carmilla was shot; how Carmilla’s heart lost it’s rhythm and then stopped completely, the danger of the blood loss, and how Laf hadn’t been told anything beyond seeing Carmilla disappear through the ER doors. Laf was just as broken as Laura’s heart felt for the past week. 

A week was how long it took from Laura landing at the airport, finding Carmilla gone, learning of the shooting, and now hunting down who had been Carmilla’s doctor and the person Carmilla had authorized to know what happened to her. All Laura could gather was that Carmilla was at least alive, but Perry and JP refused to say if Carmilla was in a coma or had simply abandoned them all. All Laura wanted to know was if Carmilla intended for her to not know what happened or if Carmilla didn’t want anything to do with her. Laura really hated herself now for not telling Carmilla how she felt before getting on that plane. Maybe her communication then could have saved her from the lack of communication now. 

The thought of Carmilla not loving her after all, especially after Laura finally working through that she loved Carmilla, was what kept her focused on being angry instead of falling into a pit of despair like her heart was cracked open to do. She stopped her pacing, gripping her hips to keep her hands from shaking violently in the air, and took a deep breath. 

“I get it; you’re loyalty is to Carmilla. I know I’m the new person to the group and therefore at the bottom of the totem pole but Carmilla and I are dating, sort of. At least that's the last I was informed before I left on assignment,” Laura ran a hand through her hair, stopping and gripping at the roots in frustration.

“Laura, this isn’t a girlfriend thing, it’s a patient confidentiality thing. I legally can’t say anything,” JP fidgeted in his seat, hands wrung together. Laura had never seen anyone so physically uncomfortable. 

“Give JP a break. He’s simply following the instructions given to him. If anything we should applaud him for not caving, especially at your interrogation methods, Laura,” Perry patted JP on the shoulder and every word Perry spoke lit the flame brighter of Laura’s anger. 

“Is that so Perry?” Lafontaine spoke up from their silence marathon. 

“I’m just saying, I know how badly we want to tell you but we respect Carmilla’s wishes and we aren’t going to reveal where she is. Just accept that,” Perry moved to stand up, wiping at microscopic sized dust on her knees.

“So she’s not at the hospital?” Laura looked back at Laf who furrowed their brows at the revelation. 

“Here I am convinced she’s in a coma and dying but she’s not even in the hospital?” Laf’s shoulders deflated and Perry looked between them both with wide eyes. It wasn’t much to go off of, but it limited the dying portion by some significance. 

“Where is Carmilla?” Laura didn’t realize she was now yelling. JP jumped in surprise in his seat and suddenly everyone was staring at Laura in shock. Not once had she ever raised her voice at any of them. She waved her hands in frustration again and started to pace the path she had before. 

“Laura, I am truly sorry but Carmilla didn’t give us permission to tell anyone. I don’t even know if she’ll tell you herself. But I won’t take that option away from her. She’s alive and fine for the most part. When she comes back she can tell you what she wants but holding us hostage and interrogating us isn’t going to solve anything or make you useful,” Perry pulled JP up by his elbow and ushered him to the door.

“Ms. Hollis, I am truly sorry I’m unable to assist you further. I’m sure everything will be understandable when Ms. Karnstein makes her appearance again,” JP waved with a sad smile as Perry shoved him out the door. 

Perry turned back to Laura and Lafontaine, “I know this is hard and I’m very happy to see someone love Carmilla as much, if not more, as the rest of us. She’s very blessed to have you in her life and I’ll be sure to tell her that when I see her again. But please, this is hard for us to keep secrets but we will. I wouldn’t keep this secret if I didn’t believe in what Carmilla is doing.” Perry realized she was telling more than she should and shifted restlessly between her feet before just closing the door leaving Laura and Lafontaine alone. 

Laf tossed their phone onto the coffee table, “I know they’re being loyal to Carmila but I feel so fucking betrayed.” 

Laura dropped onto the couch, arms tossed out at her sides and she blew some hair out of her face. “We found out more than we knew before this conversation.” 

“Yeah, Carmilla isn’t in the hospital. She decided we weren’t worth anything to her and took off,” Laf fell back into their chair, propping their chin on their fist and glaring at the wall. 

“Perry slipped something else. She said that Carmilla was doing something,” Laura looked up to the ceiling and chewed on the corner of her lip, “It’s something important though if Perry believes in it. I just can’t think of what it could possibly be.” 

“I just hope whatever this secret is isn’t keeping Carmilla from physical therapy. If she’s fine and out of the hospital then she should be doing what she can to recover fully,” Lafontaine continued to glare at the wall until their phone buzzed on the table. They were quick to lean forward and snatch it up before frowning at the screen. “I still keep hoping that each text is from Carmilla telling me what the hell is going on.” 

“I understand that. I’ve tried calling her cell every night hoping that she will finally answer, call me cupcake, and tell me where she is and that she’s okay and I know I’ll just forgive her immediately for not telling me or answering me and I’ll just be so relieved to hear her voice again. Yet, each time she doesn’t answer it hurts worse than the night before,” She felt her voice cracked and felt the moisture build at the corner of her eyes. She quickly wiped at them with the heel of her palms and sat up to breath deeper. 

“I just don’t get it Laura, why wouldn’t she tell us what’s going on with her?” Laf tapped at their phone and then tossed it back down again. 

“Carmilla isn’t one for conversation. Which is something I love about her. All anyone does at work is talk and gossip and it’s just not quite in the pit or calm. With Carm, it tranquil and that comforting quiet. We’re just together and I’ve never desired that before until Carmilla came around. It’s like she’s my personal Xanax,” Laura smiled, remembering nights just curled into Carmilla’s side while watching whatever was on late tv. They hadn’t had many nights like that because of their work schedules but every fantasy she had of Carmilla, that wasn’t x-rated, they were in a moment like that. 

“I don’t think anyone would describe Carmilla as Xanax,” Laf chuckled and the room fell silent when they both realized it sounded like they were talking about Carmilla like she’d died in the shooting. 

“Fuck this. I’m so kicking her ass for this bullshit,” Laf stood from their chair and stormed off towards the kitchen. Laura sat shocked, having never heard Lafontaine curse so much. It wasn’t the first time she’d wished this was all some horrible nightmare or alternate universe she’d fallen into. 

Someone was knocking at Laf’s door when they reappeared from the kitchen with two cold beers. They placed both on the coffee table and went to answer the door. “Hey, Danny.” Laf stood aside and Danny walked in, hands on her hips. 

“Hey Hollis,” Danny walked over and gave her a quick hug, which was a bit awkward as Danny was in uniform with her utility belt loaded down while leaning down to hug Laura who’d half stood from the couch to hug her back. They both laughed a bit at the awkwardness before Laura settled back into the couch and Danny resumed standing with her hands on her belt and the radio on her shoulder crackling in static. 

“Thanks for coming. You just missed the interrogation that Laura attempted. We did learn a few things though,” Laf picked up one of the beers and then sat in the chair they were in before.

“Oh, Detective Hollis? That kinda has a ring to it,” Danny smiled at Laura who smiled back. “So what did we find out?” 

“Well Carmilla isn’t in the hospital but we have no idea where she is,” Lafontaine took a swig of their drink then took a breath, “and Perry hinted that she’s doing something. Whatever it is, Perry believes in it.” 

“Perry’s in on this?” Danny’s head snapped towards Lafontaine who seemed to reveal something of a shock for Danny. 

“Yeah, I know right? Carmilla and Perry don’t get along on most days but Perry’s listed as Carmilla’s ICE and is the one trusted with whatever this is going on,” Lafontaine was halfway through their beer.

“You’re not her ICE?” Danny’s looked confused but not the same reason as Laura. 

“What is ice?” Laura asked. 

Danny started to make a joke but stopped herself when she fully assessed that Laura was beyond stressed out and Lafontaine was settled into a crater of anger that was very rare for them. “Ice stands for ‘In Case of Emergency’. It lets medical workers know who to contact if you end up in medical care.” Laura looked down at her hands with furrowed brows. “Carmilla updates that all the time. She probably didn’t have you listed because you were overseas and couldn’t do anything.” 

“That explains Laura but I thought Carmilla would have me listed for her,” Lafontaine set their empty bottle down and Laura’s train of thought shifted from the conversation and trying to figure out why an empty beer bottle was bothering her so much. “I thought we were done fighting. She’d forgiven me right?”, Lafontaine got really quiet before running a hand through their hair slowly, “What if she’d died and we weren’t past our fight?” 

“You two made up. I’m sure she had Perry listed for a reason. I wouldn’t hold that against Carmilla or yourself. Carmilla just needs to get her ass back here and clear everything up for everyone,” Danny reached out to place a comforting hand on Lafontaine’s shoulder.

“Danny’s right. We can’t do anything and just sitting around being upset about this is only going to tear us apart. Carmilla is going to come back,” Laura nodded to herself as if it would convince her of her own words. 

“Of course Carmilla is coming back. She’s madly in love with you after all,” Danny sent Laura a reassuring smile. 

“Did she tell you that?” Laura perked up. Carmilla had told her at the airport just before Laura had boarded and the doubts that Carmilla had said those words because Laura was entering a war zone had entered Laura’s mind. With Carmilla’s disappearance and the lack of information for Laura had left her with doubt. Maybe Carmilla had just said those words while Laura was awakening to the feeling of being in love with Carmilla.

“Oh please, Hollis. You got Carmilla to pose in uniform for a fundraiser calendar. Not only that, but she actually put effort into it. Carmilla probably already has a ring picked out and has thought about kid names,” Danny laughed and moved to sit in the seat beside Lafontaine. 

“Danny’s probably not wrong about that,” Lafontaine chimed in. 

Laura sat still and her mind reeled a bit; kids, marriage, and Carmilla by her side through all of that? She’d never imagined it for herself, always thinking of the stories she’d chase or the role in the media she’d one day dream of filling. Having a family and someone to support her in that had never been a fantasy of hers. She had managed to find someone, in this world filled with a billions of people, who could offer her that life. “I don’t think we should jump to that conclusion about rings and kids and stuff,” She was pretty sure her gulp could be heard across the room. 

“Right,” Danny took a seat and crossed one leg over the other. “Let’s get off that topic and back on what Laf called me here for. So Perry slipped it that Karnstein isn’t in fact in the hospital and is off doing something. Do we have any ideas what it could be?”

“It’s one thing to go off and do whatever, Carmilla’s disappeared on us before, but this is different. One; I don’t think she would have stood Laura up at the airport despite whatever stupid miscommunication you two were having. Two; Perry wasn’t trying to show it but she’s concerned too. I’m thinking Carmilla planned on being back by now,” Lafontaine seemed to realize that Laura wasn’t going to drink the other beer and reached for it themself. 

Danny’s fingers tapped at the edge of her belt, lips twisted in thought. Laura leaned forward on the couch as a quiet stillness filled the room. Danny finally sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, “You two are probably going to hate me for saying this but wherever Carmilla is, is where she needs to be. Carmilla normally doesn’t tell us anything when she runs off but this time she told Perry, and JP seems to know as well. That means something.” 

“Carmilla only runs away for a day or two, never has she been gone for five weeks,” Lafontaine voice filled with anger while Laura looked back and forth between the two.

Laura just wanted to see for herself that Carmilla was okay. Her mind kept repeating what she imagined happened when Carmilla was shot and every part of her ached at the images, “Carmilla was shot, just like her brother. I can’t imagine what she’s going through and I just want her here so I can touch her. Feel that she’s okay.” 

“Karnstein and I talked the night of the photoshoot. She was so afraid of you getting shot overseas, which is a bit ironic because in our professions we get shot at rather frequently, and then she’s the one who,” Danny trailed off and then cleared her throat, “it wasn’t a pleasant sight. I can’t imagine what her head is like now.” 

“It’s clearly messed up if she thinks she can just run and hide,” Lafontaine was now finished with their second beer and now slouched in their chair glaring at their boots. 

“We’re not going to know anything until Carmilla decides to come back and sitting here talking in circles is just upsetting us more. Laf, you look like you need some sleep and I have work in the morning,” Laura stood from the couch hoping that ending the conversation and sending Laf to bed might improve their mood some. She’d never seen Lafontaine like this and it worried her but she figured nothing was truly going to improve that until Carmilla came home. 

“Hollis has a point and I’m still on shift so I should get back to patrolling,” Danny stood as well then moved to pick up the empty bottles and disappeared into Lafontaines kitchen. 

“This is such bullshit. We’re here worrying ourselves to death over her and she’s probably neck deep in a whiskey bottle, smoking her lungs into cancer and not even caring if we wonder where she’s at or not. I’ve done this shit with her long enough and I’m tired of it,” Lafontaine rolled their eyes, stood and stormed to the front door, “You’d be wise to drop that drama while you can. Karnstein only ever cared about herself. We’re foolish to think that’s any different.” 

“Laf, you can’t mean any of that,” Laura stood shocked as Danny rejoined them and walked to the door with Laura. 

“Lafontaine, go sleep it off,” Danny once again placed a hand on Laf’s shoulder before ushering Laura out the door. No sooner had their feet crossed the threshold was the door slamming closed at their backs. 

“Well, I don’t think Lafontaine’s taking this very well,” Danny attempted to chuckle as they walked to their vehicles. 

“You seem to be taking it better than most of us,” Laura noted.

“I’m thinking that Karnstein was starting to realize some things before you left. If Perry knows where she’s at, that’s change from normal Karnstein behavior. Any change has to be good, or better than what it was,” Danny offered. 

“I’m getting the impression you know something we don’t. Maybe along the same lines of Perry knowing,” Laura watched Danny’s expression, noticing how Danny’s gaze softened a bit, and stepped forward into Danny’s space, “What do you know?” 

“I don’t know where she is, or what it is she’s doing. I know that Carmilla survived one of her deepest nightmares and is now having to deal with that. We can only hope that she’s getting professional help for that versus the self medicated kind,” Danny shrugged and then pulled Laura into a hug. 

“You think she’s in therapy?” Laura asked, surprised she hadn’t thought of that herself. She imagined that Carmilla would have to do physical therapy for her shoulder but any other kind of therapy hadn’t crossed her mind. Which was foolish; you didn’t just go through something traumatic like that and not need help. Her editor was forcing the entire investigative team involved in the convoy attack to go to group sessions, so why didn’t she think Carmilla wasn’t doing the same. 

“I’ll just say this; we all knew Karnstein had a problem but Perry was the only one who ever voiced that to her. If Perry is in on this and isn’t worried like we are, I think that is all we really need to know,” Danny’s looked turned sympathetic which irked Laura as Danny reached behind her to open Laura’s car door. Danny sighed when Laura didn’t move, “It’s completely unethical but I suppose I can threaten one of the rookies into tailing Perry around. We could see where she goes.” 

Laura rubbed at her eyes and then let her shoulders slump, “No, I couldn’t ask you to do that. No one is going to risk their jobs. Which speaking of, I need more than a few hours of sleep or I’ll start risking mine.” 

“Good idea. I’ll see you later Hollis,” Danny waited for Laura to climb into her car before closing the door for her. With a small wave exchanged between them, Danny walked back to her patrol car while Laura started hers and backed out of her parking space. As Laura drove back to her apartment she realized she hadn’t felt this drained in a long time. Maybe if she’d just told Carmilla how she’d felt at the airport instead of waiting to be sure, then maybe Carmilla would have told her now where she’d run off too. Was this a sign that she’d messed things up with Carmilla already? What was a relationship without that kind of trust?


	2. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where's Carmilla?

Hell. Carmilla was finally leaving this place; a place that was suppose to save her, bring her out of her own mind and help her fight her demons. Instead she really fucking hated this place. She was more than happy to carry her one bag to meet Perry in the lobby. Dr. Wallace was finally allowing her to check out from rehab and face the world she’d left behind. 

She was suppose to be out a few weeks ago but Dr. Wallace claimed she hadn’t made enough progress to be released on her own. Carmilla still didn’t understand why Dr. Wallace was concerned; she’d refused the pain medications for her shoulder and chest, she made sure she was up and walking like her doctors needed her too, and she had made nice with the therapist assigned to her. She had done everything requested of her to make progress towards recovery. 

Now Carmilla was finally being released and she looked forward to taking a shower in her own bathroom, walking around topless so her healing incision wouldn’t be irritated, and doing her exercises without anyone’s eyes on her. On the other hand, she dreaded coming back to the world. Perry and J.P. knew and understood where she’d been and why. Carmilla had left Lafontaine, Danny, and Laura without an explanation. Laf and Danny would understand though; after all the nagging and insisting she get help. They would understand that she finally did but Laura didn’t know all of Carmilla’s problems. Laura was new to their lives; a fresh and fragile presence. To add to the fault, Carmilla wasn’t there to pick Laura up from the airport and Carmilla only imagined how Laura felt about that and their one sided love confession. Maybe Laura was relieved not to see her after all? 

Perry was waiting for her with a smile before rushing forward to take the one bag out of Carmilla’s hands, “Hey Carmilla.”

“Perry,” Carmilla shoved her hands into her pockets, unsure how this was going to go. Perry didn’t hesitate to pull Carmilla into a hug, though Perry didn’t hug her tightly around her bad side. Carmilla felt a bit of relief that this wouldn’t be as awkward as she imagined it to be. Perry had visited her every weekend and J.P. had come with her when he could. They didn’t tell her anything about the outside world but they did let her know Laura had made it home safe. Other than that, she was unprepared to face anyone outside those sliding glass doors. 

“Are you sure you’re ready to be released?” Perry looked at her with concern but for once it didn’t piss Carmilla off. 

“I need to go home,” Carmilla wrapped her arms around herself, wincing at the tightness of her shoulder, “There’s not much more they can do for me here. I’ve got my contact numbers, I’ve detoxed, and therapy is scheduled. If I stay here any longer, I’ll go mad.” 

Perry nodded and moved aside to clear a path towards the doors for them to walk out, “We all just want you to get better, no matter where or what it takes.” 

Carmilla’s step caught against the floor, “We? Did you tell everyone where I was?” 

Perry held the door open and shook her head, “I kept this secret liked you asked. Wasn’t easy. Laura and Laf are on a mission trying to find you. J.P and I were ambushed into an interrogation session just the other night.” 

“Laura’s looking for me?” Carmilla followed Perry’s lead to the dark green volkswagen parked under the awning. 

“Has been since she got back. She went looking for you when you weren’t at the airport and she found out about the shooting,” Perry paused just after opening the driver’s door. Carmilla flinched, hearing the echo of a pop in her mind and reached to stop her right arm from trembling. Perry put Carmilla’s bag into the back seat and didn’t watch as Carmilla worked through her breathing exercise. Carmilla didn’t have to hide from Perry, as Perry was well aware of her progress reports from therapy.

“You didn’t go to the airport when she came in?” Carmilla licked her lips and climbed into the passenger seat. Perry let the car run for a moment, the air blasting from the vents slowly heating up. 

“I got called into work, but she said her dad was there to pick her up,” Perry put the car into to drive and pulled out from under the awning of the rehab’s entrance. Carmilla watched as the rehab center disappeared from the rearview mirror. She settled into the seat and looked out the window as the country side turned slowly into the city. They were thirty minutes into the drive when Perry broke the silence and snapped Carmilla out of her daze, “You seem okay but you don’t look well. Are you healing okay?” 

Carmilla sighed, not surprised that Perry commented on the image Carmilla had ignored in the mirror this morning. Her normally dark curly hair was flat and dull, the dark rings under her eyes refused to go away, and her skin was pale as the dead. Carmilla hadn’t even recognized herself, “I’m okay. I just need to get my life back.” 

That statement needed a plan and Carmilla didn’t have one. To get her life back she had to remember what it was like before drinking consumed her and that took her mind straight into why she started drinking. She couldn’t go back to work till she could lift a certain amount and her shoulder wasn’t allowing that anytime soon. Her heart’s still healing so that added time to getting back to work. Perry could probably find something for her to do around the station because staying idle for too long was going to do more harm than good. All she ever wanted to do was be a paramedic, to help people. What was she going to do if she couldn’t go back to that? What life could she go back too that wouldn’t destroy her all over again? 

Carmilla was pulled from her thoughts when she recognized that they were close to her apartment, “I know I didn’t say it before, and I probably won’t later, but thank you for everything.” 

Perry stopped at the red light and took advantage by taking Carmilla’s hand, “You’ve said before that we’re family. We fight, we go through times of silence, and we support each other. All we have to do is ask.” 

Perry pulled her hand back as the light switched green. Within a few minutes Perry was pulling to a stop in front of Carmilla’s apartment building. Carmilla looked at the entrance for a moment before her gaze traveled up the street. She took a deep breath and blinked through the desire for a smoke. Perry was already out of the car, Carmilla’s bag in hand, and heading inside. She didn’t want Perry just waiting around on her so she stepped out of the car, squared her shoulders and went inside. Perry was holding the elevator door open and smiled softly as Carmilla joined her. 

“I stopped by yesterday and cleaned up a bit and I put some food in your fridge. Uh, your landlord left a note about your lease coming to an end. I called him and explained that you’d been in an accident and were recovering but that you’d get in touch soon,” Perry handed her the key to her apartment when they stepped off the elevator, “Also, your bike is parked in my storage building so it wouldn’t get towed.” 

Carmilla took Perry by surprise and hugged her, “Thanks.” The hug was brief and Carmilla opened her apartment door immediately after pulling back. Carmilla faltered after entering the apartment. It was the cleanest Carmilla had seen it since moving in. Her clothes were folded, not a speck of dust to be seen, the blinds open to let the light in. The place felt open and bright and Carmilla felt exposed. 

“I’m going to let you get settled in. Call me if you need anything at all and I’ll be by in the morning to take you to get a new phone and whatever else you may need,” Perry stepped back into the hallway at Carmilla’s nod. “I’ll stay if you need me too.”

“No, I’m good Perry. Think I’ll just shower and settle in for some sleep,” Carmilla took the bag from Perry and set it by the door. 

“I’m glad your home,” With a smile Perry pulled the door shut as she left and Carmilla pulled the chain into place and locked the deadbolt. She let her head fall back, exhaling a deep breath and rubbed at her eyes. She was home, safe, and she felt some pressure shift off of her shoulders. She turned back to her apartment and fought off the feeling of her home being invaded by a stranger. She immediately went to close the blinds and sighed as the lighting turned more natural for her living space. She clicked on a few lights and pulled the zipper open on her duffel bag. 

The clothes packed on top she immediately threw into the garbage, not wanting a reminder of what she’d had to wear for six weeks. At the bottom of her bag was the only personal items she’d taken; Will’s flag case and the photo frames she kept on the shelf with it. She placed each item back into it’s place on the shelf with care. Afterwards she stared at the photos for a while, fighting off the feeling that somehow she’d let her brother down; that she’d failed him. 

She was thirsty, always thirsty, but she knew there wouldn’t be a drop of it in here. Which was good, so she filled a glass with water and sipped on it while leaning against her kitchen counter. She wanted to call her friends, tell them that she was home but her cell phone had been ruined during the incident. When she’d dropped it after calling 911, it landed into a pool of blood and it had dried into the electronics and fried the phone. With everything that happened after, she hadn’t gotten it replaced. Her eyes fell on the laptop placed in the center of her coffee table and immediately she wanted Laura here. To apologize for being horrible person and beg forgiveness. 

She set the glass on the counter and moved to sit on the couch. She opened the laptop, which to no surprise was dead. She leaned over, wincing at the tightness in her upper body and fought to pull the charger out from under the couch. She sat up straight with a relieved breath and frustration settling in the back of her mind with how damaged her body is now. She plugged the computer in and leaned back on the couch to let it charge for a few minutes before turning it on. She rubbed at her eyes before dragging her hands up to scrape through her hair. 

For a moment the thought of reaching out to Laura felt pointless. She looked like death and felt borderline to it. Laura didn’t need to see her like this; no one did. She stood from the couch with a groan, slammed the laptop closed and dragged herself into the bathroom, wasting no time to rip her clothes from her body and turn on the shower. While she waited for the water to heat up, she looked herself over in the mirror. She traced the raised pink line over her chest, prodding at the tenderness still there. She focused on her breathing, taking a deep slow breath and holding it for a few seconds before slowly releasing it. Her chest felt tight, and sore and it only made her feel more exhausted. 

She stared at herself until the mirror started to fog over and when she could no longer see herself, she stepped away from the sink and stepped into the shower. She turned the temp of the water down some, not being allowed to take a boiling shower like she wanted. When the water cooled down she stepped under the showerhead and let the water seep into her hair and run over her body. She wasn’t being timed for a shower so she could enjoy herself until her skin pruned if she wanted. She let her eyes close and head fall forward to let the water massage out the back of her neck and shoulder blades. Her head rested against the cool tile, arms hanging at her sides. For a rare moment she was able to breath without thinking, her mind going on autopilot and letting her body catch up. 

After a few minutes she summoned the energy to wash her hair. Having to do it one handed proved difficult and in a brief moment of frustration she thought of shaving her head. It took three times as long to wash and rinse her hair but it was great feeling like she was finally clean. Washing her body was just as difficult and she made a mental note to add a long handled loofah to her shopping list for tomorrow. Eventually her limbs started to shake as the water turned cold and she turned the shower off. She stepped out and grabbed a clean towel from the small closet by the bathroom door. She wrapped it around her body and stepped out into her bedroom. The air was cool and her skin bristled as she tried to dry off quickly and find a pair of sweats. After pulling her pants on, she took her towel to dry her hair and walked back to the kitchen to fix another glass of water. 

She twisted her hair into the towel and balanced it on top of her head. Her chest was cold from not having put on a shirt but it felt amazing to not have anything itching at her healing skin. Plus, who wouldn’t walk around topless in their own home after living in a shared space for weeks? She finished off the glass of water and filled it again. She walked around her apartment, making a circle around the furniture and sipping from the glass each time she felt a pang of thirst. Just like smoking, taking a glass or bottle to her lips was a habitual action. Just sipping on water would help curb the need to drink something a little stronger. Which reminded her that she needed to purchase a large pack of gum as well to help fight her need for a smoke. It was clean living for her from now on and it was already a challenge. Going without drinking in rehab also meant no smoking which was for the best especially with her healing heart. She really let herself fall apart since Will’s death. He’d be so disappointed in her. 

She sat on the couch, setting the half empty glass of water down on the coffee table, the coffee table she’d bought with Laura. She opened the laptop and pulled open her email, blinking at the amount of unread messages she had. Most of them were from Lafontaine and a few from Laura. There were so many messages she opted to read them after emailing Laura first.

She’d barely started into her email when someone was banging insistently at her door. She jumped at the assault of noise and stood from the couch, “Just a minute!” She checked the time, figuring it would be too late for her landlord to come about the lease and Perry wouldn’t have come back already. She let her hair down, towel drying it some more before finding a soft t-shirt to pull on. The pounding had stopped when she called out but she assumed whomever was still standing there. She immediately thought it might be Lafontaine, but Perry wouldn’t have told them Carmilla was back. Perry had made it sound like she and Lafontaine rarely talked anymore. 

Her heart rate increased and she focused on her breathing to try and regulate it as she pulled the door open. Her breath caught as the person standing at her door jolted forward but stopped short of pulling Carmilla into a hug.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

“You’re back,” Laura gripped her own fingers, twisting them as tear filled eyes stared and drifted across Carmilla’s form. 

“Good timing,” Carmilla stepped aside to give Laura room to come inside if she wanted, “I got back about two hours ago.” Carmilla swallowed down the nervousness that suddenly bottled up within her. 

Laura stepped inside, looking around before settling her gaze back on Carmilla, “Perry must have been by.” 

“What makes you think that?” Carmilla closed the door gently, afraid any loud noises would startle them both. 

“Place is really clean. If you hadn’t answered the door, I’d almost suspect someone else lived here,” Laura chuckled though it sounded more awkward than Carmilla remembered Laura’s laugh to be. 

“Perry cleaned up before I got back today. It was nice of her,” She ushered for Laura to sit if she wanted, “Can I get you some water or something?” 

“I’d prefer answers if you’re willing to give them,” Laura squared her shoulders and Carmilla watched the steely determination transpire within her. Laura wanted an explanation and Carmilla wanted to it to her. This reunion was suppose to go so much differently with it involving an airport and hugs, perhaps even kissing. Nothing was suppose to be like this, but at least she didn’t have to figure out what to say in an email. 

“I’ve been in rehab,” Carmilla wasn’t going to beat around the bush. Laura had figured out her problem just before leaving. She wasn’t going to keep secrets anymore and she hoped Laura would still stick around knowing that Carmilla was flawed and struggling. 

The steel of Laura’s gaze softened and Laura took a step closer, “For your drinking?” 

“Yeah, it was time for me to get help,” Carmilla held her hands still at her side, fighting the urge to reach out and pull Laura to her. She wasn’t sure Laura would be receptive to that action and she wouldn’t move till she was certain Laura wouldn’t pull away. But seeing Laura now and how her heart squeezed; Carmilla loved Laura very much. She prayed her heart wasn’t about to get broken. 

“I found out about the shooting and no one would tell me anything else. Laf didn’t even know anything and we thought you were in a coma or something worse,” Laura’s voice cracked and tears pooled at the corners of her eyes. Carmilla didn’t hesitate and reached forward to pull Laura into her arms, holding her low and close. 

“I went straight to rehab from the hospital soon as I was able,” Carmilla felt Laura’s tears soaking into the neck of her shirt and she rubbed small circles in the low of Laura’s back. 

“Why didn’t you tell us? We would have supported you. Come to visit and all,” Laura pulled back. 

“It doesn’t excuse my actions, I know I’m in the wrong, but I thought it would be different. I struggled with rehab and I was vicious for awhile. By the time I’d calmed down, I thought it was too late to tell anyone so I asked Perry to continue keeping it a secret. I was also afraid if I asked anyone to come, or I had visitors other than Perry, I’d start doing everything for that person and not for myself anymore. It was selfish and I missed you every second. And in the spirit of confessing, I thought you might not come. We left things in a weird place and I said something before you left and I just…”

Laura pulled back, head shaking and cutting Carmilla off, “I was the selfish one. I had this ideal notion of telling you I love you in some silly romantic and movie like way. I should have just told you then and you wouldn’t have questioned how I feel about you.”

Carmilla’s heart skipped a beat and she blinked as Laura continued on about movies and such, “Wait, you love me too?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Laura smiled, reaching up to cup Carmilla’s cheeks. 

Carmilla hadn’t dared dream of imagining Laura saying those words, but this moment couldn’t be exchanged for anything else. Laura wasn’t mad at her for disappearing, and the women who captured her heart was confessing the same. Her vision blurred as tears built up. All the times she pictured her future, she never would have hoped for someone like Laura Hollis to love her. “I guess we have some catching up to do, care to stay for a bit?” Carmilla reached up to run her fingers over Laura’s tear streaked cheek. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. School has started back for Random and myself so we're working on this in what spare time we have. I can't promise a schedule for updates and I hate that but rather than say a day for it and miss it, I rather not disappoint you all. I'm not sure how many chapters this will be but I have a good bit planned out. As you might have realized, I don't plan on drawing out the love confession angst and might have surprised you with that. I have angst planned elsewhere and would like to explore a different Hollstein dynamic. Let me know what you think and I appreciate all the love and support. Until next time, M.


	3. It's not quite a new start yet...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only an hour since Laura walked into Carmilla's apartment after months apart. No one knows except for Perry and now Laura that Carmilla is alive and well and finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Oh man, how much time has it been since I've updated anything? Too long, I know. For awhile there I was busy with publishing Flatline, which if you didn't know, is why Flatline is no longer available as a fanfic. Flatline is available on Amazon as an Ebook under my name Meagan Spears. Please help this poor writer out! (If you like my Facebook page @AuthorMSpears, I'll be starting a giveaway at the end of October for a free Ebook) I appreciate any support you all offer as I try and make my dream as a writer a reality. 
> 
> Part of that dream is continuing the story I started with these amazing characters. I hope you all enjoy and I look forward to everyone's feedback. Comments keeps a writers soul alive.

Laura was staring at Carmilla intensely while they sat opposite each other on the couch in Carmilla’s apartment. Only an hour ago they had confessed their love for one another and then the relief of their reunion had subsided. Laura had more and more questions bubbling up but was refusing to ask them. It was why they had fallen into the present silence. Carmilla was relatively okay with it as it gave her time to process the last hour. 

She was alive and they were in love. It felt like a dream. For so long Carmilla refused to date, refused to let anyone be truly close, and here was Laura; a beautiful, intelligent, strong-willed women. A woman who was equally in love with Carmilla. Carmilla was struggling, and would struggle for a long time. She’s an alcoholic who allowed herself to become void to the world around her. Carmilla let friendships fall apart and pushed people away. Fighting the temptation to drink pales next to the people she needed to apologize to. Thinking about the things she would need to do over the next coming weeks brought a crushing weight around her, a weight she was afraid would bring her crumbling. 

Laura shifted against the arm of the couch, pulling her leg up to tuck into a better position. Carmilla watched the cogs turning in Laura’s mind, imagining the questions still brewing. The knots twisting in her gut kept her from prompting Laura to just start asking them. Just because Laura loves her, wouldn’t stop Laura from walking out the door once her questions were answered. She knew that love doesn’t always mean someone will stay. 

Laura finally just bolted forward, making Carmilla jump. Laura paused, apology written across her face, before reaching out much slower until her hand hovered over Carmilla’s chest. Carmilla’s sight was locked on the tips of Laura’s fingers as they hovered, quivering from Laura’s restraint to complete the touch. It wasn’t until spots danced in her vision, and her temples throbbed, that she realized she was holding her breath. She sucked in some air, the sound of her gasp breaking the silence. Laura started to pull back but Carmilla stilled her retreat with a soft touch to Laura’s elbow. 

“It’s okay,” Carmilla’s eyes met Laura’s, “You just startled me is all.”   
Laura relaxed at Carmilla’s touch, pulling her hand back until their fingers intertwined, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just had the sudden urge to feel your heartbeat.” 

“I’m still tender,” Carmilla pulled Laura’s hand forward, guiding it to press gently  
against her chest. Laura’s hand flattened, bunching the fabric around the sensitive flesh. Carmilla closed her eyes at the contact wondering if Laura could feel the pounding of her heart. 

“Lafontaine and Danny, they still don’t know you’re okay,” Laura scooted forward on the couch until her knee touched against Carmilla’s. Laura’s voice softened to a near whisper, “Are you okay?” 

Carmilla lapped her hand over Laura’s that rested against her frantic heartbeat. Physically, she’d heal and get back to normal. Mentally, she was struggling. How could she convey that to Laura and not worry her? Her hesitation in responding had the wrinkle between Laura’s brow deepen. “I honestly don’t know how to answer. I survived what happened but with what happens next, I don’t know.” 

Laura chewed the bottom of her lip, brow pulled tighter as she stared at their overlapping hands on Camilla’s chest. Carmilla’s thumb traced lightly against the back of Laura’s hand. 

“I meant what I said earlier, I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens next, I am with you every step of the way,” The intensity in Laura’s expression, and the resolve of her voice, stilled Carmilla to her core. It was a declaration of a million promises. “Just promise me you won’t disappear on me.” 

Carmilla struggled to swallow against the dryness of her throat. She pulled Laura’s hand from her heart, holding it in both of hers. Laura’s fingers curled against her palm, finding purchase in her grip. She looked down at their joined hands, the image of a gold band wrapped around the third finger flashed in Carmilla’s mind. Her thoughts may be struggling but her heart was certain. “I’m all in,” Carmilla met Laura’s gaze and didn’t waiver. 

Laura’s shoulders sagged as the brightest smile tore from her lips. They simultaneously pulled each other forward, lips crashing together. Laura’s soft perfume crashed over her in waves, bringing her home. Laura’s hands wound their way to the back of Carmilla’s neck, fingers weaving in her hair. Laura pulled her closer just as Carmilla gripped Laura’s hips to do the same. 

A calmness melted through her core as Laura slowed their kiss. The rush to reconnect physically had subsided into an act of reassurance and promise. Whatever struggles faced them, they would take them on together. They kissed for a few more moments before pulling back for air, resting their foreheads against one another. Laura continued to run her fingers through the hair at the back of Carmilla’s head, while her grip on Laura’s hip flexed. 

“Now that we know where we are with each other, where do we go from here?” Carmilla leaned back, twisting into the corner of the couch to allow Laura to move closer if she wanted. Laura followed, curling more into Carmilla’s side and draping an arm across her lap. 

“Eventually we’ll need to talk,” Laura played with the hem of Carmilla’s shirt, pulling flush against her, “It doesn’t have to be now. Whenever you’re ready.” 

“Yeah,” Carmilla rested her forehead against Laura’s temple, breathing in deeply. “I want to know all about your adventure overseas.” 

Laura stilled, tense for a fraction of a moment before dancing her fingers back across Carmilla’s abdomen, “I have so much more to write about and they’ve already assigned my next piece.” 

“Anything interesting?” Carmilla started to play with the ends of Laura’s hair, running the silk strands through her fingers. 

“Just talk that the mayor may be having an affair,” Laura had closed her eyes, resting more of her weight against Carmilla.   
They sat in silence, the exhaustion of the day catching up to them. When the small of Carmilla’s back started to hurt she shifted, waking Laura. “Hmm, did I fall asleep?” Laura pulled back, pinching at the bridge of her nose. 

“I did too,” Carmilla stretched her arms out, movements slow and calculated so as to not irritate certain muscles. 

“I’ll head out so you can get some rest,” Laura stood from the couch arms lifting above her head till the small of her back popped, “Oh that felt good.” 

Carmilla smiled, standing up herself and looking back at the mattress that was neatly made. It looked so large compared to the small twin she’d slept on for weeks in the rehab center. She reached out and took Laura’s hand before she could move around the coffee table. “Why don’t you stay tonight?” 

Laura turned back, a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips. Their fingers intertwined again as Laura’s eyes darted back to the bed before she looked back at Carmilla. “Are you sure?”   
Carmilla pulled Laura closer, one hand still intertwined while the other snaked around Laura’s waist again. “Only if you are.” 

“I’ve always been sure about you, Carm,” Laura’s smile turned soft, and Carmilla could see the depth of warmth in Laura’s gaze. Carmilla pulled Laura closer, leaning down the short distance between them, and kissed her. They pulled apart slowly after, and Laura kicked her shoes off. 

Carmilla stepped around the couch to rummage for something Laura could sleep in. Perry had cleaned, folded, and organized all of her clothes in the dresser but it still took a minute to find something Laura could wear that would be comfortable to sleep in. She slammed a draw closed after successfully retrieving an old pair of shorts and tank top. It was a little chilly in the apartment but Laura had always been a hot sleeper. 

When Carmilla turned to hand Laura the clothes she found her already stripped down to her underwear. Carmilla paused, taking in the toned lines of Laura’s body and memorizing it after being apart for so long. Laura chuckled, accepting the clothes that Carmilla was holding in stunned silence. Laura pulled them on and then in a few swift moves maneuvered herself out of her bra under the shirt. Laura waved the bra for a moment before adding it to the pile of discarded clothes. 

“I’ve missed you,” Carmilla shook her head, laughing softly while running her hands through her hair and out of her eyes.

“I’ve missed you too,” Laura tugged Carmilla back into her arms, kissing her again. Carmilla wanted nothing more than to forget about the past few months without Laura. Laura pulled back and then side stepped to fall gracefully into the mattress beside them. “We really need to get you a frame for this.” 

Carmilla rolled her eyes and dropped to her knees at the foot of the bed. “Why spend the money when this works just fine?” She maneuvered her way up the mattress and struggled pulling the comforter back so she could slide underneath. It wasn’t easy with Laura pouting at her and not helping in the comforter battle that was currently taking place. Carmilla finally managed to free her side without stressing her weak arm and crawled underneath the cool sheets, sighing at how great it felt to be back in her own bed. 

Laura rolled off the mattress, pulled her side of the comforter back in one motion and rolled back to settle into Carmilla’s side. Carmila wriggled for a few moments trying to get her shirt to unbunch and not pull at the base of her neck. When Carmilla finally became situated she let out a deep breath and then kicked one foot out from under the covers. 

“You are a dork,” Laura grinned, snuggling into pillow and reaching out to lace her fingers through the hand resting on Carmilla’s hip. 

“I’m not a dork,” Carmilla sounded insulted when she said it, then followed up with “You’re a dork.” 

Laura rolled over unto her back letting out a barking laugh, “Your little fit was a prime example of your dorkiness.” 

“Whatever,” Carmilla covered her eyes with the crook of her arm in an attempt to hide the grin at Laura’s amusement. 

They laid in silence and Carmilla started to drift to sleep when Laura’s whisper pulled her back awake, “Don’t scare me like that again.” 

“I don’t want to scare myself like that either,” Carmilla lifted Laura’s hand and placed a gentle kiss to the top of it before dropping it back to her hip. Laura turned back to her side and pulled herself closer into Carmilla. It didn’t take long for them both to drift off.

 

Lafontaine cussed at the skies, slamming the door of their truck closed with enough force that the glass rattled. They had gotten off work two hours late because Betty was in a particularly bad mood that had subsequently set off Lafontaines bad mood, and caused them to take twice as long cleaning the rig after their shift. On top of that, they had seen some dark beauty leaving Perry’s office rather late in the evening and Perry being all smiles afterwards. It wasn’t fair for Lafontaine to be jealous. They had JP who was wonderful and understanding of everything Lafontaine had to throw at him. Lafontaine couldn’t even be sure if the person who’d left was even someone that Perry was romantic with. Not that Lafontaine would know since they were still barely talking these days. 

Lafontaine struggled to get their phone out of their pocket as they made their way to the front door. A light turned on in Perry’s living room and the blinds parted slightly. Lafontaine locked eyes with Perry who briefly looked concerned. Perry quickly pulled back from the blinds and after a moment the lights clicked off. Lafontaine ran a hand through their hair and blew out a long breath.   
Lafontaine was careful closing the front door once they were inside but that didn’t stop them from throwing their keys down and roughly kicking off their boots. Lafontaine stretched out on the couch and turned on their phone. The screen was bright in the pitch black of their living room. They had a few missed messages from Danny and JP and Lafontaine took some time to send out replies. 

They scrolled through the contacts, finding the message thread with Laura and typed out a quick “How’s the hunt?” before switching over to Facebook to see if anything good happened during the day. Lafontaine was a few swipes down on the feed before a timehop pulled up with a picture of Lafontaine with Carmilla. ‘2 years ago: Savings lives and breaking hearts with my bestie!’ Carmilla was smirking at the camera while Lafontaine was taking the picture. Lafontinate closed the app, not wanting to see if any more memories pulled up. 

The sun would be rising soon and Lafontaine doubted anyone would be texting them back soon. They stripped out of their uniform, tossing it somewhere deeper into the living room before stretching back out on the couch. When the couch was refusing to be comfortable enough to pass out they finally gave up tossing and turning and went to bed forgetting their phone on the coffee table.

 

“I swear to god, Kirsch!” Danny held her hand out with the crushed coffee cup so it would stop spilling all over her uniform. It took every ounce of willpower to not reach out and return the favor to his own spilt coffee. 

“Sorry D, I didn’t see you there,” Kirsch did look truly apologetic as he quickly set his cup down and dug in his desk drawer for some napkins. 

“What the hell has you in such a rush?” Danny took the napkins and did her best to mop up the mess that was currently her uniform. There was no salvaging her appearance as the stain was starting to set against the dark blue of her shirt. 

“I’m late for a meeting,” Kirsch danced around the desk and Danny, reaching back for his cup. He was halfway across the room when he spun back around, “Hey, we still on for later?”

“After this mess,” Danny waved at her shirt, “I’m looking forward to kicking your ass later.” 

“Cool. I’ll meet you at the range!” Kirsch grinned and then darted out of the room. 

She threw away the rest of her mangled coffee and went to the locker room to change into her spare uniform. Having to change had her late starting her patrol. It was irritating that her entire day was now going to be running twenty minutes behind. 

She was turning onto Main Street when she recognized the car stopped at the light. Perry was waving her hands as she spoke to the person in the passenger seat. By the time she recognized the person in the car with Perry, she’d almost overturned through the intersection and nearly sideswiped a parked car. “Holy shit!” She rushed to do a legal U-turn but in her effort to watch traffic to do it safely, she’d lost sight of Perry’s car. 

Instead of turning around she pulled into a parking spot and pulled out her cellphone. She dialed Perry’s number and after a few rings it went straight to voicemail, “Perry, you call me soon as you get this. I just saw you at the light and I imagine you know who I saw with you.” 

She hung up the phone and slid it back into her pocket. “Well shit,” Carmilla Karnstein was back in town.


	4. Shopping Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perry takes Carmilla to get groceries and perhaps get an answer to one important question.

Carmilla tried her best to not roll her head into the window of the passenger door in Perry’s car. They were on their way to pick up groceries, having already gotten her a replacement phone. The morning seemed to just be dragging notoriously slow after the near endless cycle of reassurances before Laura had left earlier and then the long wait for Perry to arrive to pick Carmilla up. Laura had been reluctant to leave, making Carmilla promise a near handful of times that she would be home when Laura got off work. She couldn’t fault Laura for her hesitance to leave. Carmilla was still wrapping her mind around the possibility that, after everything and her brief disappearance from civilization, that Laura cared the same way as Carmilla. 

Perry stopped by to collect Carmilla not too long after Laura had left. In the time, Carmilla had wandered her apartment, remembering that she had cleared out any alcohol the night of her accident and the reason she was at the store in the earlier hours of the morning. She fought the temptation of opening cabinet doors just to be certain they were still empty. When Perry arrived, Carmill was sitting stiff on the couch, cracking the knuckles of her fingers. 

Now they were halfway done with errands and barely had a conversation in the meantime. Perry had stopped the small talk when Carmilla refused to answer any more questions that blatantly tiptoed around her rehab. The thought of her rehab was just bringing to the surface that Carmilla did not want to talk to Lafontaine or Danny just yet. She had no idea how she was going to handle that fractured relationship. She and Laf hadn’t really been on talking terms at the time of Carmilla’s accident and she was certain Laf was upset that Carmilla had removed them as their emergency contact. It was a pending conflict that Carmilla wanted to avoid indefinitely, which Perry had been quick to comment that the avoidance was an insult to the years of friendship between them. Of course, Carmilla thought Laf committed the first insult when they used Laura to spy on her. 

“You never did mention what the next steps are,” Perry broke the silence as they pulled up to a stop light. “I know it’s still awhile until you are able to come back to work. Not that I couldn’t find you an admin or instructor position if you wanted.” 

“Coming back to work would be great. I think I’d go mad if I have to entertain myself all day,” Carmilla rolled her head back onto the headrest and watched the crossing traffic. 

“Well we wouldn’t want that. I’ll talk to the higher ups and see what I can get authorized. I know we have a bunch of CPR classes to teach now that school is starting up soon. With the Youth Center reopened, I know they are looking for someone certified to work. Perhaps I could get you assigned there,” Perry started to hum in thought. 

Carmilla nodded, not that Perry was paying attention to her in the passenger seat. Perry’s phone started ringing. Carmilla started to reach for it but Perry tsked at her, “Not while I’m driving. Whomever it is can wait until we reach our destination.” 

Carmilla chuckled, drawn back into a more present state at Perry’s normal behavior. Carmilla’s life over the past couple of months had been strict schedules and group talk sessions. It had all been nearly to much for Camilla to mentally process. Having Perry’s rules brought a familiar ‘grounding’ into the day. It reminded Carmilla that she was home, back where her people were. It mirrored her reality from before and it was welcomed. Perry’s phone continued to ring as they pulled into the grocery store. 

The car was in park and turned off before Perry even checked her phone. Carmilla was already out of the car and waiting for Perry before just taking off inside the store. Carmilla was going mentally through her shopping list when Perry finally stepped out of the car, handling a physical shopping list to Carmilla. 

“You made me a list?” Carmilla looked the paper over, noting how it was organized not only by category but also by the stores aisles. 

“You’ve been gone for weeks and I had to throw a lot out. I figured you wouldn’t remember everything you might need,” Perry locked her car and shouldered her purse, “Did I overstep?” 

“No,” Carmilla ran a hand through her hair, pulling the stray strands out of her eyes as she read through the list. There was a lot more on here than she realized she needed. 

“Well then, let's get shopping,” Perry walked on ahead while Carmilla continued to read through the list, trying not to trip over her own feet as they crossed the parking lot. It was afternoon in the middle of a work day so the store was practically deserted. Carmilla made a mental note for future grocery runs. She’d never cooked before Laura came around, mostly just catching a bite to eat at diners or the bar. Now that she wasn’t working night shifts, and the bar being out of the question, she was going to have to learn to at least boil water without causing a fire hazard. 

Perry grabbed a cart and began leading them through the aisles. Carmilla studied what Perry was picking up off the shelf. Perry seemed to have a preference with certain brands, especially when they reached the cleaning supply aisle. 

“Do I really need all this?” Carmilla hadn’t realized how full the cart was until Perry began shifting items around to fit more. Most of it was food and seasonings but a large section of the cart was dedicated to the cleaning sprays, sponges, and other various items Perry had meticulously stacked. 

“Yes,” Perry paused with the most confused expression before shaking her head and pushing the cart forward. Carmilla felt the strain of how hard she rolled her eyes and then dropped her head back in an exaggerated sigh as she followed Perry out of the row. Perry led them on a zig zag through the rest of the store, occasionally asking Carmilla for input on the items that Perry was gathering. 

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Perry paused with a jar of spaghetti sauce in her hands, “Have you reached out to anyone since I dropped you off last night?” 

“I didn’t have a phone till this morning,” Carmilla took the sauce from Perry and traded it out for one that included garlic seasoning, which was her favorite. Perry scrunched her nose at Carmilla’s pick of sauce but at least Carmilla was now actively participating in what Perry was picking out for food choices. 

“You could have used your laptop to, oh I don’t know, use Facebook or email,” Perry shot her a pointed look and led them down the row to pick up pasta. 

“I didn’t really get that far because Laura stopped by,” Carmilla shrugged, reaching for the thin noodles. She nearly dropped the box as Perry slapped her arm. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you saw Laura!” Perry was far too excited by the revelation. 

“Had you come by the apartment earlier you would have seen her too,” Carmilla smirked, tossing the box of noodles into the cart. 

“Oh my! Are you two back together?” Perry was far too close to Carmilla with wide, hopeful, eyes. 

“We never really broke up. I mean, things were strained a bit before everything happened but still very much dating,” Carmilla stopped talking, staring at Perry who was just grinning to the point it was becoming creepy. 

“This is good,” Perry nodded, taking the cart while continuously nodding her head until they were a few more steps down the row, “This is very good. For you.” 

“Perry, you can take it down a notch. Kinda starting to freak me out,” Carmilla ran a hand through hair and eyed the junk food they were about to past. Perry kept walking but Carmilla managed to slip a pack of soft baked cookies and a bag of mini Kit Kats into the cart. Perry only acknowledged the added sweets for a moment before continuing on her chant of “Good, good. This is good.” 

They were making their way to the cashier line and Carmilla tried to figure up how much she was about to have to spend on groceries. Perry hadn’t really consulted her on budget before leading her through this shopping adventure. Although she was amazed at how much she needed to just stock her kitchen back up. 

“Wait, why do you ask?” Carmilla was reminded of Perry’s original question. 

“Oh,” Perry fiddled with restacking some items in the cart while they waited their turn. “Danny was the one calling. She saw you in the car with me.” 

“So instead of having some time to adjust to being back, the self-induced exile is up,” Carmilla nodded, internally groaning that she didn’t have more time to figure out what she was going to do. 

The line moved forward so Carmilla helped Perry load the items up onto the conveyor belt. Perry quickly rearranged the items she stacked into order; keeping the cold items together and stacking all the cans in one section. Carmilla didn’t care and continued to just toss things up as she grabbed them. It probably would have gone faster if she left it for Perry to do. 

“Even if Danny didn’t spot us today, I was planning on talking to you about Laf. They are struggling and they need their best friend back,” Perry paused as did Carmilla. Used to be Perry was Laf’s best friend too so Carmilla was able to deduce that particular situation hadn’t gotten resolved. 

“I know I owe Laf an apology,” She let out a deep breath, feeling her chest tighten. She and Laf weren’t talking before everything. Laf had used Laura to spy on her, an act of betrayal but not one that Carmilla couldn’t eventually forgive. They just weren’t there yet before Carmilla’s accident. That betrayal had gotten buried under her panic for Laura. She’d been a mess those weeks and her friendship with Laf had taken the brunt of it. 

“It’s more than that. I never told you but Laf was the medic who responded to your accident,” Perry’s words were soft and she refused to meet Carmilla’s numbing expression. 

It’s one thing to know she’d disappeared on her friends to go to rehab. It was another to know that her best friend was there when she’d died. Carmilla was well aware that her heart had stopped and that paramedics had revived her before she’d gotten to the hospital, only to have her heart stop again during surgery. 

“Then I guess I have a lot more to apologize for,” Carmilla trailed the conversation off as the cashier greeted them and started to scan up all the items. Perry pushed the cart forward and helped bagged the items. 

“I know Laf is struggling right now but I’m sure things will be better once you two talk,” Perry nodded, as if that would be the last that Carmilla would hear about it from her. Carmilla didn’t quite believe that. 

Carmilla paid the hefty bill, relieved she at least had a decent savings to fall on until she started working again. She was very tempted to ask for a pack of smokes before swiping her card to pay. She decided to pick a pack up later so she wouldn’t have to hear Perry’s lecture just yet. 

They walked back out to the car, the cart almost over filled with paper bags of groceries. It was going to take multiple trips together to get everything inside her apartment. She left Perry to stack the bags into the car once she was shooed away after her attempt to help. Once the car was packed and the shopping cart returned, they were back on the road to Carmilla’s apartment. 

“I don’t want you to think I won’t keep your trust about all this. If you aren’t ready to be back I can detour Danny away from who she thought she saw today. But do you think you’re ready to see everyone?” Perry broke the silence when they were about half way back to Carmilla’s apartment. 

Carmilla picked at the slight crack in one of her fingernails, making a mental note to trim it once she was able. If she left it up to herself she would never come back to face the problems she’d left. It would be easier to pretend she hadn’t been self-destructing for so long but pretending was only going to make the recovery worse. She’d really messed up and let herself get so lost. She was ashamed of who she’d been and nowhere near knowing who she was now. But making amends with her friends was one of the first steps she’d been advised by the therapist at the rehab center. She fully believed she could do sober alone, it was why she’d snuck off to rehab. She needed to do it for herself and she had. Not a single drop of whiskey since her accident but her sobriety was only at one day and the day wasn’t over yet. She’d need friends and not just Perry and Laura. 

“It’s best I don’t keep this going forever. If Danny saw me, then she saw me,” Carmilla sighed, closing her eyes tight and swallowing down the panic that caused her heart to start beating frantically. 

Perry nodded with a hum, “I’m in your corner one hundred percent. It’s not going to be easy but when is anything when dealing with family.” 

“I appreciate it Perry but I know a shit storm is coming. If you want to abandon ship, I wouldn’t blame you,” Carmilla sighed seeing her apartment building come into view. 

“Don’t even think that. Yes, it’ll be a battle but you need all the people in your corner and you trusted me from the get go with your rehabilitation so I’m not going to abandon you now,” Perry pulled the car up in front of Carmilla’s building, popping the trunk so they could gather what they could carry. “What if I throw you a welcome back party? Would you be okay with that?” 

“I don’t think anyone but you and Laura would want to celebrate my grand return,” Carmilla drawled. 

“Nonsense, everyone at the station has been asking about you. Of course they don’t know that you’ve been in rehab for drinking,” Perry stacked Carmilla's arms with as many bags as she could carry without straining her shoulder which was only two and only had paper towels and bread in them. Perry managed to get most of the bags and closed the trunk with her elbow. Carmilla held the door open for her and went ahead to hit the elevator button. 

It did take another two trips and then Perry hung around to help Carmilla put everything away and organize her kitchen to be “efficient”, as Perry put it. During that time Carmilla was counting the minutes down because in just a couple of hours Laura would be getting of work and on her way over and Carmilla was very much looking forward to it. 

It wasn’t until Perry left the apartment that Carmilla realized Perry had gone to great lengths to keep her from the liquor aisle while shopping. Carmilla wasn’t sure how she would have handled having the option to buy liquor in front of her. Maybe she did need people in her corner to help her, because as soon as her mind realized she’d been so close to an unopened bottle of whiskey her mouth watered. Yeah, she was going to need her friends, otherwise she was sure this attempt at sobriety was going to fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm have been seriously considering re-uploading Flatline here on AO3. I haven't yet because with Flatline getting published, posting it here for free doesn't help me as a writer trying to make it as a writer. If that makes sense. 
> 
> If I posted it back up, to allow you and new readers to save $4 on the e-version, would you all be willing to support me by doing reviews on social media and sharing the published work? The story is essentially the same (save for the first two chapters on this fic is the final two chapters of Flatline as well as the added bonus scenes like shopping at IKEA). 
> 
> I know how much you all enjoyed reading Flatline, which is why it got published and I had so much hate mail when I took it down. I write for you guys, but I'm also writing for myself so I hope I'd have all your support. If you all are willing to support it, which I hope is not asking for to much, I'll start uploading Flatline chapters on a weekly schedule. 
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate all your comments and look forward to your feedback. Even if it's just a "this was good" comment because then I know you at least thought it was good. 
> 
> Thanks everyone!


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